she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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