if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
