dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
