Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
