I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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