He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So many bounce houses so little time
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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