i permit you to call me
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
