Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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