it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
