Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
