Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
