Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
