I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
