Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
North Korea, Best Korea!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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