I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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