ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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