So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
