I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Randomize
