32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
