we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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