Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
