And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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