At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
