can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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