The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
