I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
