I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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