Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
