You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
