well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize