You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
