No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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