Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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