Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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