haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
wat bout pragnant strippers??
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
