he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
