you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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