I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
