You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
