apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize