just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
