Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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