We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
