Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
