ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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