some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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