He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
