Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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