Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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