you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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