college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
No more Irish car bombs ever.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
