Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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