Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
