you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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