She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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