turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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