he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
