Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
