he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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