haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
