So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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