I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
