I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize