Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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