seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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