we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
