Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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