my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
