you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My bed smells like the plague
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
