So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
