i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
