i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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