i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
