Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
