I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
