Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
