I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
