Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
