Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
