Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
