found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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