In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
