Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
