You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
