you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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