She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize