I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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