we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
