I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Randomize
