Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
