I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
