You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
