oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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