woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
