I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize